Extended Stay in Branson

Earlier this year, I stayed with my family for nearly two months. It was a wonderful visit! I stayed so long, as my sister Makayla said, "It's like you never left." I felt eased, so relaxed, and as if I was living at home again.

If I had to name one of the things I miss most about living so far from my family, it is missing the day to day events. While I was home, I was able to attend a plethora of events. It was so special to enjoy some of these special times with my siblings, as I wish I could always be there. So here are some of those events I attended:

My little sister Lauren, had a special choir performance where the theme was valuable character traits like honesty, respect, integrity, etc. She did a great job singing and holding up her character trait sign. Lauren is so artistic and so talented. I love my little blonde hair, beautiful sister! I also had lunch with Lauren at her elementary school. This was a blast from the past, let me tell you! The cafeteria, small brown tables, the faint smell of bleach, and hearing kids exclaim their excitment about recess, haha. It was such a treat to go to lunch with Lauren and meet her friends. I am glad she has adjusted so well to Branson!

Every Friday and Saturday, Alexis and Samuel had their basketball games at the Rec Center, which I was thrilled to watch. My parents forewarned that Alexis' games were not action packed since the children could barely shoot the ball to the bottom of the net, but I still found it rather entertaining. Prior to a game, Alexis would warn the entire family not to embarrass her. She gave clear examples of what we were permitted to say, how loud we could shout, and things that were unforgiveable. Of course, I couldn't help but shout and cheer her on when she got the ball, which she later lectured me for. Mostly, Alexis liked to look pretty and chat with her friend Bella on the basketball court. Here are a few pictures of Alexis at her games:

Now, my competitive brother Samuel quite liked to be cheered on loudly, unlike his younger sister. However, we sisters tended to get a bit rowdy at times. Those who know me, understand I'm not the type to scream at a sports event or yell at a referee but I made an exception at one game. Afterwards, I realized we might have drawn some attentions to ourselves but it's hard when your sisters and mother get into the games. I couldn't help but join in with their enthusiasm! Samuel is very competitive, a great shooter, and had a great team and coach. Here are a few pictures at his basketball games:

Samuel also participated in his grades Spelling Bee. Although he was sorely disappointed to not have won, he placed 4th, beating out 16 other kids his age. I was so happy to support him at such an event and videotaped and cheered after each and every correct word. Something that never dawned on me before, was how nerve-wracking it is for the child and parent at these events. When a child would spell a word, their parents were on the edge of their seats and the children cried after they incorrectly spelled a word and lost. My own mother was sooo nervous for Samuel. It was nerve wracking to see him last over an hour and 18+ words. I was so happy to be there to support him and will cherish this and these other memories with me for years.

I wish I could remember all of the memories that were created during my extended stay with my family, but I'll do my best with the rest of this blog post. Each day I would wake up around 8 am, when my Mom was taking my brother and sisters to school. I would either eat breakfast or take a leisure shower and do my best to just relax and think. Prior to my visit I quit my job and left in the middle of the semester. I obviously had a major life changing event and all of these things were just too much. It was such a blessing to have loving and willing parents to take me in at such a time. Most days, I would get ready with my younger, sassy sister Alexis. I would put my makeup on and get dressed and we would hang out. She and Jacob are the only two not already in school so we got to spend a lot of quality time together, Mom as well.

Something I cherish so much about my Mother, is how much time she is always giving each and every one of her children. Throughout the years, she always listened and gave me her time, which meant sacrificing a lot of time for herself. I think I have learned a lot about the love of a mother, through her selflessness and time she always gives to others. On Valentines Day, she and my Dad planned out the whole night and served all of us kids. They made a wonderful Italian dinner and literally served on us hand and foot. When we finished our yummy dinner we sat down to watch a chickflick and they presented about 10 pounds of candy and chocolate covered strawberries. I ate those strawberries like nobodies business. On Valentines Day, I was so worried I would feel sad and lonely but I had never felt so loved like I did that day. To top off the love, my sweet sister Makayla wrote me a beautiful Valentine's note, attached to a bag of candy, which was the icing on the cake to a great day.

Valentine's picture with my youngest sis

 Evidence of way too much Valentine's candy shared between 7 of us 

Happy Valentines

While visiting my family, I was able to go to lunch with my very busy Dad. It always means a lot to me when he can find time to do something one on one with me and listen and counsel me. I have always respected my Dad for being a great man, but now that he serves as Bishop, I have seen his greatness and righteousness come to another level. I sure am grateful for his love and example of how a husband and father should be :)

 Yummy tacos from our lunch together

 An old picture I came across of my Dad and I

During my entire visit, my sister Makayla, let me share her room with her, which was so sweet. It felt nice to have someone to talk to at night and pull practical jokes with on a whim. Such as drawing mouse whiskers on little Alexis as she slept:

Isn't she precious?

Makayla and I have a very similar personality, especially our need to be organized and do our hair and makeup everyday. It was great fun to listen to her worries as a teen and brought back some memories of being "boy crazy" at that age too. We shared a lot of good times, a few tears, and a lot of pranks! I helped her with a few homework assignments and planning her 13th Birthday party. We found an idea for a Spa themed birthday party and worked out all the details, party favors, shopping lists and trips together. I love party planning but I especially love spending quality time with my sisters so this was another special memory I will treasure. We set up the spa in my parents large, master bathroom and had three stations-foot soak, face mask, and manicure station. The girls ended up soaking their feet with their face masks on most of the time and had a great time. Makayla had a beautiful cake made to commence her passage to the teen years and enjoyed the movie Pitch Perfect, with a miniature concession stand we had arranged for her and her friends enjoyment. All in all, it was a successful night and so much fun to participate in making another great memory!

Speaking of making memories and planning, my Mom and I went all 007 and secretly redecorated Olivia's room while she was at school one day. We went into town and bought new decorations which was very fun to do together. Whenever we would go into town or go to a nearby city to do shopping, without fail we would eat some tasty food. I am seriously missing Freddys, Andys, and Braums icecream like you wouldn't believe. I forgot how much ice cream they serve at Braum's too. Here are some pictures of our ice cream that day.

Redecorating Olivia's room pretty much took the entire day because she is....laidback. Olivia has to be one of the most down to earth, beautiful, hilarious, girls that I know. With that said my "Bessy" of a sister isn't one for keeping her room clean! haha. Thankfully we had some help and by the end of the day my Mom and I were able to surprise her. We turned off her bedroom lights and hid in her attached bathroom to see her reaction. After hearing her oohh and ahh we shouted surprise and received many hugs and thanks from her.

While I visited, the weather took some ups and downs-mostly icy roads or beautifully clear days! One night Makayla wanted me to take her and her friend to the movies to see Safe Haven.  Need I mention, I had already seen this movie with Autumn and Olivia the week before. I don't typically appreciate chickflicks, especially the same one a second time, but I wanted to be a cool sister so I took them to the movies and yes I cried a bit, as the movie struck some emotional chords. After the movie I drove home-which was no small task. You see, my parents live amidst a forest of trees and therefore the ice does not melt on their one-way roads to their house. As I was approaching a very steep, downhill turn, I prayed we would not go off the edge of the road, down the hill. Although the brakes completely locked and we slid sideways, my prayer was answered and we made it safely home. However, when we attempted to pull up my parents steep driveway we went backwards and poor Lauren about had a heart attack. We had better luck than some of our family members the next day. Some family members couldn't make it up that same hill and ended up in a ditch. Luckily, no one was hurt!

Of course, no trip or documented entry to Branson is complete without a trip to Freddys, Andys, The Outlets and The Landing. We shared many late nights, middays, and quick trips to Freddy's and Andys! Us sisters also took a trip to the Outlets and went shopping which was a treat. While we were shopping, Alexis felt a little left out because she couldn't fit into the "big girl" clothes. When we were in the check out line at American Eagle, we looked over when Alexis had this beautiful hat on, haha:

Autumn was so sweet to take us out shopping that day and of course taking and picking up Andy's for us multiple times. Autumn is such a giving sister, who gives to everyone else first. She is also one of my brightest sisters and has a great collection of music I also seem to copy while I am home. I had a great time going to Safe Haven with her as well as the Outlets. I love her so much!

I got to go one on one shopping with Makayla for her birthday and with Kassidy, when she came home one weekend. We hit up VS and then went to lunch and just chatted. She has the enthusiasm and knowledge of sports like no other 18 year old girl I know and has body of a babe. Quite the catch for a young college girl, if I say so myself! It was a treat to see her the few times she was able to come home on the weekends. I love getting quality time with each one of my siblings every chance I get!

Perhaps, my fondest memory of my trip was getting to spend quality time with my Mom. As a mother of 10 children-yes 10-her time growing up was often demanded by my younger siblings. So I was obviously very happy to get to talk with her throughout the day and one night until 2 or 3 in the morning. Talking late at night with my mother will always be cherished as one of my favorite memories. She is such a giver and was so compassionate as I shared many tearful stories with her that night. Never once, imposing her opinion, only expressing love, as I came to my decision during my visit. My mothers love is unconditional, never judgmental and does not have false pretenses. I cherish these valuable traits from my mom so much as she was truly my best friend and angel through my difficult time earlier this year.

My mom made me chocolate molten cake-she loves me!

HuHot for lunch with my Mommy!

The rest of these pictures of just some random candids I took during my visit:

 

Silly brothers doing their "hand" dances

 

Sassy Lexy and I after church

 Doing a rap birthday video for our brother-in-law Ryan

 

That time Makayla and I searched for our Hollywood lookalikes and I got Paul Walker-we had a good laugh about that! 

Samuel being a goofball 

Little Lexy pouting because it wasn't her bday :( so cute!

I am so thankful for the love of my beautiful sisters, mother, father, and brothers. Being a family member among such wonderful and loving people is truly one of the biggest blessings in my life!

Love,
Calissa

Reclamation

Rec·la·ma·tion (r k l -m sh n). n. 1. The act or process of reclaiming. 2. A restoration , as to productivity, usefulness, or morality. 

This year is all about reclaiming myself, my identity, and my worth. After years of being married to someone, who loved his addiction more than me, I am taking control of my life again and my happiness. I knew through all the hard times that I deserved more but was just too scared to take the first step.


While I was coming to terms with filing for divorce I wrote a poem, which helped release some of the fears and anxieties I was experiencing. After writing the poem and sharing it with a few family members I think I would like to share it with you, my friends. It is very personal and doesn't quite acknowledge all the facts and details but I feel it did an adequate job of describing the previous stage of grief I faced. I haven't visited it often enough to refine it and I'm very much beginner as far as poems are concerned, but I hope you enjoy it-

Reclamation

Don’t throw our commitment in my face

It's not fair you when you treated me as waste

Our love was built upon something innocent and pure

It became polluted with your addiction and more

 

The months went on and I knew it wasn’t right

Some days were so long I didn’t have energy to fight

They say you pick and choose your battles in life

I didn’t know I’d have to fight for you to love your wife

 

Over time I lost my confidence and I lost my voice

And with your controlling ways I soon didn’t have a choice

I wanted you to treat me as your equal and be honest with me

Nothing is worse than hiding your addiction in secrecy

 

I fought for us, you and I, for hours on end

Over the years to please you I’d break and I’d bend

But why fight for something oh so wrong

I was young and yet I felt I had lived for too long

 

Living with you was like walking on thin ice

Never knowing if you loved me, if I would suffice

You always wanted to change my appearance and more

Crying when you left for the bar scene out our front door

 

Through the years I cried enough tears to fill the deep blue sea

When you left and I was alone, it was only then I felt free

I could be happy when you were away and I to myself

I would look around at our home, our cars, and wealth

 

None of it mattered because I knew life was more than this

A marriage is not right if my life was in complete amiss

My deep feeling of emptiness hit when my day slowed down

It troubled my soul and caused me an endless frown

 

I wanted to smile, laugh, be happy and free

But how do you leave something when you can’t really see?

I’ve been blinded by your deception and atrocious lies

It hurt so badly I was cut down in size

 

How do I recover and step away from this horrible mess?

What I once was and felt, I am so much less

But how could I go back to such a tragic life?

I have to gather all my strength and no longer play wife

 

So I gather all the strength in my fiber and bean

I clasp my hands together and ask the Supreme

Please Father help this pain to pass from me

Help give me strength I have but I cannot see

 

Bless me to rise up and give me the confidence I need

I ask that I can grow in strength as a small, tiny seed

In all these things I ask of humbly of Thee

All these things I ask head bowed and on bended knee

 

As I arise from my prayer of the things that I seek

I try to life my life quiet, patient and meek

It is hard to know what the future holds for me

I have to believe- what will be will be

 

The pain won’t go away quickly like a scrap on my arm

No, this pain was like poison and it did much harm

So, I don’t know how long it will take my heart to heal

But I know Christ’s atonement is beautiful and it is real

 

So I’ll wipe away my tears and remind myself of this

If I have faith and move forward I can find my abyss

 

 

 

I hope, my friends who read this, know that I am not in the sad place I was when I first wrote this poem. I am finally experiencing true happiness after a period of extended darkness in my life. I have received an out pour of love and concern from family and friends and want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. My goal of this blog is to document my life and write some of my feelings about life. Although I keep my deepest thoughts to my journal writing and prayers to Heavenly Father, I hope to use this as another source of writing, which I love so much. And of course, lots and lots of pictures as you all know I enjoy them so much!

 

 

It is my hope you all have a great week and remember your worth. You may not know it, but there are so many people who love and care for you. Even in your darkest times, there is always a handful of people that are ready to embrace you with love and kindness. I want all my friends and family to know how much I have appreciated their out pour of love the past few months! Your sweet words of encouragement and prayers did not go unnoticed or appreciated. May you all have a great week!

 

Love,

Calissa