Memory Lane, Exodus, and Limbo

A few days after returning from Chicago, I had to return to home.  Considering I was still enrolled in the semester and hadn't started one of my online classes at all, I was very behind and needed to get caught up and escape my limbo stage of life. After spending so much time with my family, I wished so badly that I was done with school and could move back-but until I finish school, I have to put that dream on hold.

I was lucky enough to be at my parents house around the same time they were getting a new car, which left their Honda pilot without an owner. So they gave it to me to, the loving parents that they are, to help me out in making my fresh new start. I sold my other car and am now the proud owner of a payment free SUV and what a blessing that is!

Before I left on my 23 hour exodus-which I delayed 3-5 days by the way-my mom and I went shopping and stocked me up on some of my favorite foods and treats that they just don't have in Utah. Once my car was packed to the brim with food and my suitcases, I was all set on my first ever solo road trip. I admit, I had never actually driven more than four hours by myself prior to this exodus. So if I were to say I was a bit nervous of going stir-crazy in my car or breaking down on the side of the road, that wouldn't have been far from the truth. But it was a thing I wanted and needed to do. I guess I needed to prove to myself that I could do it and gain some of my independence back. It is easy to become dependent or in my case codependent in bad relationships so it was a literal part of my "journey".

The morning of my departure was a very hard one. I planned on leaving before my siblings went to school but didn't get much sleep the night before. I was sick with worry about driving 23 hours and forgetting something, or getting stranded with no gas and no gas station in sight. This was the time in my life I regretted seeing all those scary movies about people getting stranded and other nonsense. So the timing ended up that I was leaving just as my siblings were leaving for school. It worked out well so we didn't have to make a big deal of it and have so many tears shed. After spending almost two months with my family and coming back home to face my life changing decision it was the hardest, most apprehensive departure I've ever had! I hugged and kissed my siblings and mother and then drove away! It was sad, very sad, but I was ready to escape my limbo, so it made it easier to leave.

I mapped out my drive back, with a detour in one of my old hometown's Wamego, KS. It was only about 45 minutes out of the way and well worth it! A few days before it was almost 70 degrees and as I drove into Wamego it was sleeting snow and raining. I was relieved when it let up, just as I crossed the bridge into a town I hadn't visited for 10 years!

 

My family and I lived in Wamego from the time I was in 4th grade until 9th. At that point, it was the longest our family had stayed put in one town and therefore held so many wonderful memories! In fact, when our family moved it was quite hard for me and a result when I dream about my childhood I always dream about this beautiful, small town. As I crossed the bridge and went down Main Street, I noticed some things had changed while others were exactly the same. Although I visited to "walk down memory lane" I would be a complete liar if I didn't say one of my major reasons was to visit The Friendship House! It is a quaint Dutch bakery, in a small Victorian-style house. My family loved The Friendship House and often ate their sweet rolls, soups, and cookies. In fact, my favorite soups I make are taken from their recipes and this bakery is where my love for baked goods blossomed.

It is funny how after 10 years I found everything easily, like I still lived there. Granted it's an extremely small town, but it was comforting to know I still knew where to find everything. I decided to go into the Friendship House and eat lunch since I had driven for four hours and needed a break. I took a seat at one of the tables in the front room and was greeted by a kind old woman who asked if I had been there before. I told her it had been about 10 years but I knew exactly what I wanted! I was disappointed when they weren't serving my favorite soup but tried another great soup. While I sat, I just "people-watched". I saw people I recognized from the community and from my elementary schools and just enjoyed the moment. Before I left, I bought the remaining sweet rolls and cookies from the display, with the intent to share them with my sister....it's the thought that counts, right? It was a long drive and not one of my sweet treats made it past the Nebraska border, let alone the Utah state line, haha.

 The park & pool where I spent a lot of time as kid

 The Friendship House-my favorite childhood bakery

 Lunch

 My 1st High School-Home of the Red Raiders

 My old Middle School

One of the last fudgie cookie crinkles :(

My parents old country house-their first home and our home for 5 years

I couldn't help but get a bit emotional as I drove past my old house. It sat on over two acres of land, half of which was all woods. As a child I loved being able to "escape" to the woods since I was way too young to drive. I would go sit on a boulder, listen to the water in the stream, see a deer or two, and sit in complete silence. In those moments, communing with nature, I would feel so grateful for such a beautiful world our Father in Heaven created for you and I and would feel the Spirit so strong. Although I am by no means an outdoors-woman I love sitting and enjoying nature. The sunshine, fresh breeze, the smell of the trees, water, and animals. How beautiful to feel those emotions and have a plethora of memories flood my mind! I feel as though driving through Wamego helped heal some part of me that I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to as a young teen. And perhaps you can't know where you are going in life until you relive or understand where you came from and that's why it helped me.

After Wamego I made my way through Manhattan, which brought back many memories too. Because our church building was in Manhattan, I spent a lot of time in Manhattan too. It was so fun to drive through and see things from an adult perspective and remember all my wonderful church friends and families. The Knapps and Balsmeiers were some of the families I was closest too during those years! I had many many good influences as a teen living in Wamego/Manhattan and thank all those who helped shape me into a strong woman!

Because I was behind in my trip, I quickly made my way to Hays, KS and made a stop for gasoline and a car charger. During this whole time I listened to about 32 songs on repeat a few times and after watching the clock every 10 minutes I decided it was time to play my first audio book-Eat, Pray, Love. How fitting for my new journey in life, right? haha. It was the perfect remedy for a long drive and the perfect companion. Eat, Pray, Love was popular a few years ago, when most people probably saw it in movie theaters. The book is a little different than the movie of course but I like both! It was great to be able to relate to the author about just breaking down and crying at times, because that's where I was at that point. Realizing that I was changing my life as I knew it and it was scary! I love how the author just went out on a limb and dropped everything in her life to heal and discover herself. It was very pertinent to me and so brave! Needless to say, I enjoyed the book very much! 

Once it got dark, I found that my five hours of sleep was making it hard to stay awake so I called it quits in Oskaloosa, Nebraska. I was starving as it was nearly 11:00 pm and I hadn't eaten since earlier that day in Wamego. Before checking into a hotel I stopped at KFC and was scared to find the weirdest contraption on the drive-through window. It was a device, clearly devised to keep people from robbing the store and prevented any physical contact from occurring. As I placed my money onto this device and watch them swivel it around and back into the store, I suddenly feared for sleeping in a hotel in this town! haha. Luckily, all was well and I slept great that night. However, it does make me laugh looking back at my fear that night as I slept in my hotel room all alone.

The next morning I slept in until 8, ate a nice big breakfast and set off for my home! I drove 13 hours that day and oh boy it was a long and windy drive! The local radio stations said the winds were between 30-40 mph and I could feel it as I gripped my steering wheel, as I tight as I could. It was around this time I stopped for gasoline and when I got out of my car I was nearly blown away. That's when I snapped this humorous picture and sent it to my sisters. Obviously, you can sense my boredom just by looking at this picture, haha. If you think that is bad....well you should've seen the Thrift Shop video I sent to my sisters. Instead I will spare you the video and just share some stills. I was car dancing and lip syncing, the whole enchilada!(I obviously have no shame any more, if I am sharing these publicly, but this is myself at my goofiest):

$20 in my pocket! haha

That night I arrived, back to Utah, all in one piece, despite my horrible car dancing and lip syncing! I crashed at my sisters house that night and in true Mahoney fashion, she fed me with great food and treats! 

A few days after arriving back in town, my house sold after being on the market less than two weeks! It was such a blessing and one less burden on my back. Although it was hard to say goodbye to something I had worked so hard for and what it resembled to me, a year earlier, I didn't feel the attachment I felt before I left. The only hard part was saying goodbye to my best friend and puppy Dash. As I packed up my things once and for all I took some time to play with my little buddy and took him on a walk. Before Dash, I never realized what wonderful, little spirits animals have and what a tender heart I have towards them. They are so kind, genuine, and have such a pure love-very similar to that of a child. I took some pictures with my little guy before I left and said goodbye. Although I wish I could take him with me on my new journey it didn't work out for me as far as housing was concerned and so I had to say goodbye. To the best puppy and friend I had the past two years-I love you little guy. Thank you for giving my snuggles and kisses when no one else would. You were the best four-legged friend a girl could ask for!

 Letting him go dig crazy on our last walk together

 His sweet little face while he fell asleep

 

For the next month, I went from couch to couch and hotel to hotel as I searched for a place to live. The trouble with a college town is that everything revolves around the semester which meant housing wasn't available until the end of April and it was the middle of March. My sister and brother-in-law were so kind to let me stay with them for nearly two weeks, to help me save me from the expense of a hotel every night. During that time I ate so many good meals, way too many treats late at night with Ryan, and got to play and hold my niece and nephews. They are just the cutest little things and were the perfect distraction from my stressful life. Here are some of the fun photos we snapped during my visit. 

 Playtime with Kaden

 "Lippy" time with Leighton

 On our way to Ikea-these two are just too cool!

Cupcakes!

 Was watching Cohen-I guess a fist in the mouth means he was hungry?!

Miss sassy, sunglasses on, and  hand on the hips Leighton

I was fortunate enough to finish the semester successfully for two out of my three classes. I started a semesters long class three weeks before the end of the semester which was.......well.....interesting, haha. I am just so glad I was able to slowly work my way back into a normal routine and tie up the last of some loose ends. After being in Missouri for such a long time, I realized how much I missed my siblings and parents. On a few occasions I fought the urge just to drive right back and escape all my stress again but I knew moving forward was the only way to break through my current limbo! I was strengthened through the prayers and support of family members and as the news broke publicly and through social media, I received many kind words from friends as well. Although it took me awhile to acknowledge all the sweet words written to me, they helped me gain comfort and confidence. I also went to dinner with some of my friends which helped me realize how much I was loved and cared for. So again, thank you to everyone! 

Well that about wraps up my journey of limbo from earlier this year! I look forward to sharing my current life with all of you in my posts hereafter!

Love,

Calissa